well you can't waste a boner
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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