i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
