thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
