He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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