As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.