Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
