Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago