I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
