If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.