Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.