so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO