i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
