People in love make me want to vomit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere