i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.