Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom