She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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