I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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