i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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