Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
