I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
