Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
