the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
