Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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