Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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