P.S. I can't hear my feet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
