You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So squirting runs in the family.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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