What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
