I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
