What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i now understand why vodka
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
