If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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