ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
