Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
