I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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