your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
