Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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