he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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