my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize