God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
