You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
