Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Text me some of your sweat
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
