So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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