Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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