i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
