so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
