Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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