Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
