he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
