I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
