Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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