Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
