Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
