one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
send nudes
from the living room?
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