i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
