Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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