They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
