Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.