Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome