not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
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I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.