he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok