Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween