oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
