I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
