Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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