I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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