just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're like the curious george of whores
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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