if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
