So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
