guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
