You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
