also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
