just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
