you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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