I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
