Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
