I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
