Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
