I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
