I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
